They've finally gone and done it! The parents have arranged one of those
"meetings" where the "Any Other Business" is "Would you
like pink balloons or red ones at the wedding reception?"
Yes! You're being introduced to a potential marriage partner. But to your
horror Prince/Princess Charming(less) has a personality about as interesting as
your big toe, wears clothes straight from the Patiala fashion show for Punjabi
Farmers, has a face like a Pizza (with extra olives) and worst of all is an
Lady: "Naheeeee! Mummy, don't force me to spend the
rest of my life with this uloo!
So how do you tell them that you're not interested? Well, there are obvious
ways to say "Take a hike, Jack (or Jaswinder)!" but that could lead to
teary eyes all round! So for your well-being The Funjabis have put together
"Ten Ways To Say Get Lost - With A Smile." It may help you to adjourn
the meeting more gracefully so you can live to have another one the following
Wipe your nose on your sleeve and then wipe it on theirs - twice!
Order a bucket of ghee to put in your saag during roti.
Sit on the dining table and shout loudly for food!
Tell them about your cuddly animal with which you like to sleep (ie the
After roti, lick your plate frantically - then offer to lick theirs!
When serving the ladoos, shout "Catch!" and throw it at them.
Talk with your mouth full and spray the samosa filling when talking.
Ask if anyone knows any good Punjabi swear words. When they say no,
proceed to tell them all the ones that you know. Direct them at the grand
mother for more effect!
Ask if you can tattoo your name on their forehead - in Punjabi.
Cat whistle at the parents - especially at the mother (whether you're a
boy or a girl)!
If this doesn't do it, we suggest you go for the pink balloons at the